WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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