Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
