what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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