yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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