apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
