Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
