Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
