I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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