in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
