I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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