lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
