Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
