He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
