i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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