The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
