man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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