White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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