everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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