how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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