I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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