Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
