I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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