also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
