you traded sex for a burrito?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His nipple licking is glorious
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