I'm passing your future prison.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
