toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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