she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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