whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
