I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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