We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize