in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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