May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
