I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize