Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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