i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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