Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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