I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
