We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
