so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And my parents said I crawled through the house
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
