you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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