Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
