now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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