i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
