Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We talked him into tasing himself.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
