If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
