I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
