is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
A+ Viking dick
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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