pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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