you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
