clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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