I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
