Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
