I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
