I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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