theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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