What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
