You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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