Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
