omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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