We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
