she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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