Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
