Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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