you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
