There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
