I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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