I cannot find my penis.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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