I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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