I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
