i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if i died would you start the facebook group?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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