And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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