You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
