Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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