He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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