HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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