update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
