Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
