wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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