I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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